At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
