uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
