tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
