I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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