How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Randomize
