??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
