you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize