I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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