This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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