I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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