32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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