OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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