I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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