My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
