Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
