I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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