Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
