So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
