Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
