I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
