jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize