I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
