So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
