He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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