I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize