remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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