Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
