I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
