i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
