I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
