So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
