Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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