So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
