My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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