Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
