12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
