dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
