I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
