one two three fourrrrnication!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
