Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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