you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
