you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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