i think i have two assholes
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize