that's an acceptable place to lick
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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