My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think i have herpe
just one?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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