Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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