she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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