and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
