Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
