We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am one with the molecules
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
