I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
