I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
