By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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