your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
