You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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