i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
40s are totally the cure
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
