if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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