508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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