You can't special order awesome
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize