I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
