Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
