You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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