All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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