She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
