I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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