Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
