Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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