Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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