Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
