i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
