That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
