The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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