u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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