I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
