I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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