It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
