I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
