omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
