it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
