fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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