The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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