Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
two words...techno handjob
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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