I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
