the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
