get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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