dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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