ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
