just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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