You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
